Why New Year’s Resolutions are setting you up for failure

I will lose weight. I will start going to the gym. I will spend less time on social media.  I will go back to school. I will get a new job.  I will learn a new skill.  I will practice mindfulness every day.  

There are so many resolutions that are set every New Year’s Eve and by the end of the first week or two of January, most have failed to see them through.  

This is because we do it all wrong.  This doesn’t mean we should give up on this great practice of thinking about what we want for the New Year. We just need to look at them in a different way.  

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be eating yet another huge meal New Year’s Day with family as the festive season winds down.  I’m off work for a few more days and know I won’t start a new exercise regime or any other new habits for that matter. Even if I managed to start something this week, I’ll have to figure out how to do it again next week when I’m back at work and when the kids are back in school.

So how can we set New Year’s Resolutions that we will stick with and will make us feel successful in mid January, through February and into the rest of the year.

Let’s start by looking back to the origins of the word. 14^th century French, resolution had to do with breaking things into parts.  Latin resolutionem suggests the idea of reducing things to a simpler form.  I think the evolution of New Year’s Resolutions to a list of things we will start on January 1^st greatly decreases the chances of success because we expect to start them all immediately, when what we should be doing is setting those resolutions as the final step, the end goal.

This year I may resolve to be healthier.  To increase my chance of success, the next step should be to break that down into simple steps.  Week one might be simply to drink more water, maybe two extra glasses a day.  Week two, as routine re-emerges with everyone back to school and work, I can add a short ten-minute walk or perhaps just taking the stairs at work two days a week. That’s it.  Keep it simple and achievable.  Let those two routines settle in for a few weeks then add another step.  If we add one small thing every three to four weeks, by the New Year’s Eve next year, we will have added 12-17 new actions that help us towards our resolution, and we will feel far more accomplished. 

Some resolutions may take less time to fully implement.  Cutting back on social media could mean just tracking when and how much time is spent on various apps for a couple weeks. Then perhaps the next step is to just cut out social media in the morning or in the hour before bed for a month.  Perhaps simply cutting out a specific time of day was enough to keep social media in check and our resolution is achieved before March. 

We also don’t have to start all our resolutions in January.  Pick one for January.  Schedule another for February.  Have a resolution that coincides with spring.  The key is to have a plan. Write it down. Put it in your calendar.  Set reminders.  

So tonight, as you write down your New Year’s Resolutions, start thinking of them as an end goal and start breaking them down into small steps that you can begin throughout the year.  Then every week, every month, and every quarter you can review your progress towards your goal. 

Moring workouts, maybe not

As I mentioned yesterday, I am getting back on the workout train along with millions of others this January, but I made one major change.  Most of the things you read or listen to say that you should always workout first thing in the morning.  The idea is that as the day progresses, other things will get in the way and you won't do your workout.  I do believe this is true for many people, but I want to offer an alternative perspective.
I  have been trying for quite some time to workout in the morning, but I dread dragging my butt out of bed to go and workout.  I realized that the thought of working out had become this awful thing, even though there have been times in my life when I loved working out, or at least didn't hate it.  I was berating myself for being lazy and not doing what I need to for improved health. 
Then I remembered that when I was teenager, I always worked out in the evening.  So this week I started working out about an hour after dinner and have been doing it.  The really interesting part is that during the day I actually look forward to working out instead of dreading it.
So while many of the experts recommend mornings, and I suggest trying that, if mornings don't work for you, try other times of the day.  In the end, you need to do what will work for you.  My energy is far higher in the evenings so this night owl will be sweating under the stars! 

The exercise binge

I was messaging with a trainer who is helping me get back on the exercise train.  Yup, like millions, the New Year is bringing with it exercise.  The interesting part is that it was not a New Years Resolution.  I have been planning for the last 2 months to improve my health and been doing small things and then this trainer, Michelle, had an offer that seems like it would work with my lifestyle and obligations.
I told Michelle that I tend to binge.  I will do something for awhile and then fall off the wagon.  I also said that I think I binge because I like the variety of doing one thing for awhile, but then get bored and want to do something else. She talked about shifting from the binge to making a lifestyle choice and of course she is right. 
Now, as I thought about how I binge, I was feeling a little bad that I don't commit, but then it came to me that maybe I was looking at it the wrong way.  Maybe I do really like variety.  Maybe I need to stop calling it a binge and change my language. 
I realized that what I do is try different activities and enjoy them until I am ready to move onto something new.  I keep recommitting to physical health.  I don't fail at physical health when I stop jogging as winter approaches.  I stop because I don't like the cold and then I do something else.
The truth is that I am SO committed to my health that I keep trying and never give up.  I am SO committed that even though I ate extra desserts over the holidays, I am not giving up on healthy food, and I am recommitting to healthy eating. 
This little shift in language changed my perspective on past activities.  They were not failures because I didn't keep going to the gym or jogging or eating cleaner food.  They are evidence of my ongoing ability to recommit.  

How can I improve what I am doing?  I know that when I get bored with an activity, I stop and it takes awhile to find my next thing I want to do.  To improve and decrease the time in between, I need to plan ahead for the eventual boredom or change in weather or whatever.  I need to have my next activity ready in the wings.  That next activity might actually be the motivation to finish what I am doing now so I can get started on the new thing.  It gives me something to look forward to.
So from now until the end of February I am doing a new workout program with Michelle called Transformation 20.  I know it's going to kick my butt, but I also know I am looking forward to it.  I am also going to start looking at what I will do after, so I am ready for the next steps in my commitment to my health.

Bold Action

I have not blogged much in recent years, but am making a commitment to writing more this year and as a result, hope some of that writing is here on my blog.
Part of my renewal and revival of good practises that support my joy include planning my days with more intention. To that end, I recently purchased Brendon Burchard's High Performance Planner.  Caveat: This planner is a book that covers just 2 months, but so far I think it will be worth it.
Everyday you start with Morning Mindset that includes answering a series of questions.  I like how it focuses me, although this first week has been a challenge since I've been on holidays.  I look forward to seeing how it is now that I am back into my work routine.
One question keeps stumping me.  "One bold action I could take today is..."
I have yet to fill this in.  It seems so big and how can I do something bold every day.  Of course as I reread the phrase, I see it is something I "could" do today.  Ok, so maybe I can be a little adventurous and courageous, because I don't actually have to do this thing, but it is something I could do.
It was still scary to think of those bold things I could be doing but am too afraid to do.  It came to mean that one thing I could do and am doing, is write and post the writing.
It didn't have to be something big, but for me this feels a little bold and so here I am posting this blog today. I will not linger over the perfect or more likely imperfect grammar and spelling.  I'll do my best in the time I have and allow it to be seen with all its imperfections.
Today my bold action isn't just about writing, but more about not worrying about what people will think, not caring what people might say, and not caring about a typo, or spelling mistake.  My bold action is just to start somewhere.

Have a great day and take care.  You deserve it!